Okay, no news, no change.
We have Hospice coming in once a week (or as needed). Mom is not in pain. She sleeps most of the day. She is awake about 3 hours a day and about 1 hour of that time is in a semi-confused state. The other two hours she is just confused.
The last two days she has eaten very little. When I say that, it is 2PM and she ate about 1 cup of fresh fruit today. Yesterday, 1/2 cup pasta with alfredo sauce, cantalope, and about 4 bites of Cheerios.
She keeps asking if she is getting stronger and why won't the doctors do surgery. She is wanting surgery so bad. It is heartbreaking. I can't tell her that she is too bad for surgery so I just tell her she needs to get stronger. She doesn't know that the doctors have given up on her.
I am in an angry phase. We live in the United States of America for goodness sakes. Do people really lay in their homes and wait to die without medical people doing all they can to save them? It seems crazy to me. I feel like we should be working like all get out to find someone to help us but every door closes. I can't imagine two or three months like this last month.
I am going home tomorrow for a week of feeling guilty that I am not here and when I am here I feel guilty I am not home.
2 comments:
I'm sorry. I love you, and am thinking about you (and gran). Get some rest this week.
I wish there was something I could do for you. Take care of yourself; it is what your mom would want. Rest and return refreshed enough to enjoy being with her.
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