Up-date

I took a cookie decorating class on Saturday and really enjoyed it. I don't know if you can see the detail but I am really proud of little masterpieces.

Snow is here...... where are the GRANDKIDS???

The tree is up. Hannah helped and that was so great. Larry helped also.

New baby Harward

Ruby? Kathryn? Olivia? Who knows, but SHE IS HERE!!!

With her first 'lovey' AND less than two hours old, she sucked her thumb!
PS Her name is ELLA KATHRYN HARWARD

2 weeks

I have been home for 2 whole weeks from Utah and now I am off to Lafayette to see my newest Granddaughter that will be born on Friday. I just can't seem to stay home for very long (not true, I would love to stay home but I get to missing my kids so much that I have to go see them).

In the past two weeks, we had a General Authority from our church stay at our house so I had to clean like mad for a few days. I did another Dinner Theater at church. We only had about 300 people this year. This week, I am catching up and trying to get a Thanksgiving dinner grocery list done for next week. We seem to be getting to bed early with the time change. Why does changing the time, make you sleepy earlier?

5K

Yes, I walked a 5K around BYU campus with James. It wasn't the most exciting thing I did while I was out there but it was nice to see James a little embarassed. Most of the parents and families took this very seriously. They were in their running clothes and doing warm up stretches. The gun went off and so did they. Crazy people. We crossed the finish line in 53 minutes. James, who has been running a lot lately, though it silly to cross the line walking. Oh well, it was worth it, free bagels, fruit and water.

PS Yesterday was my mom 72 birthday. I still miss her. I want to live a life that allows me to see her again.

BYU 2010

Hard to believe I am in Utah visiting this little baby boy.

Where has the time gone?

From this life of fun and games.....

To this life of fun and games? I sure have enjoyed visiting him even though I cannot keep up with his lifestyle. Late night concert on Friday night, dinner for 13 on Saturday night, dinner for roommates on Sunday. Tomorrow, he works and I can rest.

South Webster High waves Banner of Excellence with distinction

This would have made my mom so very proud. My brother is the principal, Bob Johnson.


Portsmouth Daily Times - South Webster High waves Banner of Excellence with distinction

Our front yard

I forgot to blog about the deer I saw in the front yard one morning. It was about 8:00 and there were three deer in our yard. They were enjoying a snack but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what they were eating.

We haven't had any rain to speak of since the beginning of August so we only have dead grass. I thought maybe they were eating the acorns that have fallen off of the trees but I don't know.

This picture is a little clearer but you can also see how terribly dead our grass is. I really wish the grandkids were here so they could see these cute deer but I am sure the deer would have heard the noise a mile away and stayed clear of this house.

Introducing.... Princess Addie

Poor Addie is staying with me for a few days and today I had to serve the food for a funeral at church. Addie was so good so I took her to Target to get a 'surprise'. Being the girl she is, she picked out a glow stick wand. Yep, glow in the dark. What a cutie. I put her to bed in my bed and this is what I saw when I went upstairs.
She is crashed with that wand in her hand. How cute is that?
This is for James. We had someone paint the foyer this weekend. I love LOVE that color. It is darker than these pictures look so, don't judge.
The color is darker and richer than these pictures look. Maybe I can see if it is a better picture tomorrow in the natural light.

I LOVE YOU

I just finished a book that was recommended by my son James. It had a few bad parts so I wouldn't recommend it but I came away with the overwhelming feeling to tell those I love that I love them. I am sure the people that read my blog are the people I love most. I love you.

I love my friends. I thought about listing them but I know I would forget someone. I have special friends that can truly bring me out of a funk when we get together. I always feel better about myself when I am with them. I have friends that have taught me things like how to can fruit, how to sew, how to cook, how to share, how to make the gospel the center of my life.

I love my sister and brothers. I wish we lived closer (my fault) and I wish life weren't so demanding that I could talk to them every day, and I wish we were close enough to talk every day. That love never leaves though. They are forever connected to me and we share so much past. My siblings got the best of the gene-pool and I got the left-overs. They are all talented, smart, beautiful. I love them.

I love my mom. She gave so much so her kids could have so much more. All my life I have wanted to make her proud of me. I want to be a good mom and I wanted her to recognize it. Her impact on my role as a mother has been immeasurable. Until 5 months ago, I still called her on a regular basis with questions. I miss her.

I love my husband. I don't think I ever realized how much I loved him until recently. With the loss of my mom, I have realized how much I need and love him. He is my strength. I don't do so well without him by my side. He is the greatest.

I love my husbands family. He has great parents that raised a great man. They love us and our family. They have taught us so much and have been so patient with us as we have struggled to raise our family.

I love my children. This love is so deep and woven throughout every fiber of my being. I love them so much it hurts. I love them so much that I find myself continually thinking of them and saying little prayers for them. Lord, please bless Amanda as she struggles to raise her little ones with a husband in a demanding grad program. Please bless Sarah with strength during this pregnancy, bless Brad on his school work, in his new marriage. Bless James so far away. Please bless him to know how much I love him over this distance between us. Bless Hannah that she won't be exposed to so many evils in the world. Bless her to be strong. Bless them all to be happy, right where they are in life. Bless them to know what is important and seek after those things. Bless them to know I would do anything within my power to help them and I love them. That love fills my chest until it truly hurts. It aches for them, it swells with pride to the point of pain, it rejoices in their successes and I sometimes wonder how my body holds all the love I have for them. They are my life, they are what I have lived for and what keeps me going. They are the greatest and I want them to know, I LOVE YOU!

I love other things and people too. I love deeply but find it hard to express that love to others. I tend to bury it in the day to day activities that I busy myself with. Just because I don't say it, doesn't mean it isn't true.

What have I been doing???

The beginning of summer I ordered a new couch and rocking chair for the living room. I gave the old (crappy) stuff to Brad and Jessica (hahaha, they got stuck with it). So finally the furniture came it. The one wall got a fresh coat of paint (from green to yellow) the old blinds were removed and new ones put up. We got rid of the carpet Larry hated and got new carpet.

Today, I spent the morning in the basement working on curtains for the windows. I am getting ready to hang them now (should have waited to take the photos). I love the more simple living room. Not as much clutter. I still have a bookshelf to clean off but so far, so good.

Now, on to Tuesday's project. I made this quilted placemat. Scrap fabric but it was easy and actually fun to do. I think I will do a couple of more. Maybe I will choose fabric I actually like or would use. Anyway, I really should get around to working on my Block of the Month squares.

Maybe tomorrow.......


PS For James. Living room with Curtains but nothing on the walls yet

How can I be sad???

I went to Texas over Labor Day Weekend to visit Larry's parents. As always I came home with an exciting project to do. I tried to work on it last Tuesday before Amanda came home from Sarah's but didn't get much done. I wanted to work on it today but ended up washing sheets and grocery shopping, maybe tomorrow. I love my in-laws (I don't think I will call them in-laws because I have been in the family for almost 34 years) and it was a nice relaxing visit. We didn't go outside much so I didn't die in the Texas heat and I am sure (even though they deny it) that they turned their air-conditioner to a reasonable temp because I didn't freeze to death this time (except at Gwen's house). So, Shirley showed me an easy placemat that you quilt as you go. I am so excited to get busy.

Last week, on Wednesday, Amanda and I headed to Boston with her 4 kids. I swore after riding with Bennett as a baby for 12 hours I would never get in a car with kids for a long trip again. But, Amanda needed me and like Superman I had to rescue her. The trip wasn't too bad though. Miles did have a couple of screaming times but I kept shoving food at him and it seemed to help. We spent the night in a stinky hotel (have no fear, they brought us Fabreeze to cover the smell :(. Amanda's new appartment is soooo nice. I love it. Because Casey had unpacked the whole house, had beds made and groceries bought, I didn't have much to do while there but sit around and play with the grandkids. Tough job but someone has to do it. Then I flew home on Saturday. I found a place in Boston with TVs all over the place so I went in and ordered a bowl of Clam Chowder so I could watch the beginning of the BUCKEYE game. Rascal Flatts did a great job on the National Anthem. Then in Baltimore, I had two hours so I found a Mexican place to eat and watch the second half of the game. I was sick from all the food but it was worth it to watch the Buckeyes win. I was surprised at how many Buckeye fans there were in Boston and Baltimore.

So, I made it through Sunday and then today I feel a little blue. I was in Sams Club and felt like I should be talking to someone but no one was there. I came home to mow the lawn and start dinner and I know I fixed way too many ribs for me, Larry and Hannah.

I miss my grandkids. Isn't that picture so cute?

(Oh yeah, and Joey Votto hit a walk-off home run on Saturday night when I got home :)

Cutie - I am in Love

Okay, I have had a secret crush on Joey Votto for awhile now. Why else would I watch so many Reds games. I have to admit that he is pretty cute for a young whippersnapper. But Joey Votto doesn't have anything on my hubby. Isn't he a great looking Grampy? He was, by far,the best looking guy in school. He was a very handsome soldier but he continues to be the best looking guy I know. Not only does he have great looks but he has so many other wonderful qualities that set him apart from every other man in the whole world. Here are some of the things I love about this man of mine.

He is a great provider. He is always putting his family first. He worries about each one of us and does whatever it takes to make us happy. He is very loving. He loves his family and he doesn't hesitate to tell us. He shows love by serving us. He enjoys what he does. He finds joy in work and play. He likes baseball, and football, and takes me to games (and he doesn't mind that I think Joey Votto is cute). He is a spiritual leader in our home. He is open to growth (most of the time). He is involved in church and has a great desire to serve the Lord. He loves being a Grampy and is always looking for things to make the grandkids happy (that ugly treehouse in our back yard is proof). He is a good friend to me and to others. He hates colds but doesn't complain when he runs a carving knife in his finger and out the other side. He likes yard work. He likes taking care of the pool so we can swim. He always waters my flowers for me. He does the dishes, laundry, mops floors, takes out the trash, washes my car every weekend and the list goes on and on. He LOVES fancy dinner. He gets excited for family time.

I could keep going and going. He is a great man and I love him more than Joey Votto, ANY DAY!!

August Family Birthdays

I can never seem to get these pictures to upload in the right order. Maybe because I don't update my blog often enough to have it set in my mind how to do it. Oh well, it's an update! Landon will turn 6 on August 18th. I picked green for his number 6 because he loves his soccer shorts and shirt and they are green (I think). Landon is a great kid. He is so funny and LOVES to be the comedian. He likes to make people laugh and boy do I laugh when I am with Landon. He is also a nice guy. He is kind to his sister and brother and he loves his mom and dad. He likes to be read to and he loves to swim in Nana's pool (he needs to come swim soon before it gets too cold).

Hannah will be 15 on August 15th. How crazy is that???? She is such a great kid (don't tell her I said that). She is usually happy, loves friends and family, has an old woman's head on that young body and makes me very happy. I am so thankful we had Hannah and that she is still at home.

Miles turned 1 on August 2nd. He is a big guy but such a good baby. He was here this summer without the other kids and it was fun to see him walking around and being so easy going. He is a handsome little man too.

My mother-in-law, Shirley Porter turned (like I am really going to tell :) TODAY!!! Happy Birthday Shirley. I truly feel blessed to have such a great mother-in-law. I have always felt accepted in the Porter family. So many people complain about their in-laws and I truly can't understand how they feel. I hope to be able to make my son and daughter in-laws feel as comfortable in our family as my in-laws have made me feel. We don't get to see them as often as we would like but we love them just the same.

Happy Birthday to all my August Birthdays.

I didn't have a picture of my brother-in-law Scott. His birthday is this month also. He's a keeper, I just don't have a photo.

Low Carb Diet

Monday, we started, AGAIN! The stress of the past three months had caught up with me and I had to go buy bigger shorts so we are 'dieting' again. So far, so good. I was up about 10 from where I was and up about 14 from where I would be happy to stay the rest of my life.

For those who want to tell me how unhealthy I am being, I will post what I ate yesterday.

Breakfast:

A delicious omlet with lots of onions, green peppers, tomatoes and some cheese. Talk about sticking to ya!

Lunch:

1 smoked sausage, lots of broccoli

Dinner:

Taco salad with vegies and homemade Cilantro Ranch Dressing.

Snack:

Jello

I have to admit that I can't wait to get through next week when I can have some fruit. I had to give a watermellon to Brad and Jessica and fruity koolaid isn't satisfying my need for fruit.

Wishing and hoping that I can lose this weight fast, and that Larry and Hannah will be even faster than that.

My temporary Happiness

FINALLY! I talked Larry into trading in my Honda Pilot with it's 16 MPG, seats for 8, great storage, DVD player, etc for a TOYOTA CAMRY HYBRID!!

I am "in love' with my car. Silver isn't the best color BUT 38 MPG or so is so great!! I love it. It is so comfortable, and has lots of bells and whistles. It is a very smooth quiet ride. Yeah, I love it.

On another note, it is strange to me how often I think of my mom. Going to the store I notice the foods she liked, recipes she gave me, sharing my grandkids with her, shoes she gave me, things she would say, etc. Here are a few examples: She swore WHITE NECTARINES were the best; When she visited me in Germany she always made me a PEACH PIE (mine didn't turn out this weekend and I want to know how to fix it); I made BROCCOLI this week (I made it for me when she was sick and she was grouchy and said "Who stunk up the trailer with Broccoli"); THE REDS struck out Adam Dunn last night (Larry wanted to call her and say, "What about that Adam Dunn?" like she always did); MY NEW CAR, she had a Camry and would love my new car; I mentioned once how much I loved my EDDIE BAUER FLIP-FLOPS and she brought me 5 or 6 pairs she found at an outlet; When I see a MOM on TV, I think of her; When I SWIM I think of how much she hated the water; SAMS CLUB, I always bought her real vanilla and pecans........ this could go on and on. Everytime I think of her my eyes start to tear up and I realize how very much I miss her. It is selfish of me but I wish I could go back 3 months and ask her some questions and feel her love for me. I am sure this will get easier as time goes on but right now, it is hard, and sad, and everything reminds me of her. Her influence is all around me.

Helen Kaye Horsley Johnson

Helen Kaye Horsley Johnson, 71.

Born: October 27, 1938

Died: June 29, 2010

Seems really hard to believe. These photos are from our trip to Boston last October. We had a great time with some of the grandkids.

And our trip through New Hampshire to see the leaves change color. One of her life dream vacations.

We both loved the shore line in Maine.

She was one of my best friends and I will really miss her.

Back to the BLOG release

Maybe a bit depressing but I find it hard to be at my mom's without blogging a little to release some of the tension, guilt, and frustrations in dealing with a sick person. This probably won't be for the weak to read.

I got back to Ohio on Saturday night. Mom was, of course, much worse than when I was here 9 days ago. She is in bed now and doesn't get up. She is on moriphine to keep her resting well. Still no pain but a little anxious without meds. She was bad. Sunday morning, I went in to give her meds and she was somewhat awake. When I say awake, I mean her eyes were open but had that glazed over look. She doesn't respond. I hugged her and told her how much I love her. I had my face down next to hers and she lifted her arm as if she were hugging me. It lasted for only a brief second or two and then it was over. She basically sleeps all the time. We go in every couple of hours to roll her over in the bed and prop her sides with pillows and give meds.

Today was really bad. We called the Hospice nurse because her breathing was loud and short. While we were waiting on the nurse, she started making some rasping sounds. She did it again when the nurse came and the nurse said this was the throat sounds that come when we are close to death. It was a horrible sound. Like she was drowning on water. Rhonda and I both spent most of the afternoon crying. It is horrible. We have decided to call tomorrow to put her in the Hospice House which is like a hospital for Hospice patients. The lady today said she should only last a couple of days but it is hard to tell because mom's heart is in such good shape.

My feelings are mixed. I am still angry that we are sitting here in her home waiting for her to die. I wonder when she gets to the other side, will she be angry that I didn't fight more? I am mad at myself for not finding out what her favorite color is and what were the happiest times of her life. I am sad that I will never be able to pick up the phone and call her to ask about an old recipe I had forgotten or share the birth of a grandchild or any good news or bad news. She has always been there for me to share my life with. I am grateful I have been able to help take care of her during these last few weeks. I am grateful that I have a wonderful family to support me and encourage me. I am grateful to have had a wonderful mother who sacrificed time, money, friends, everything for her children - and she didn't regret it. She was hurt so much in life. My dad left her with 4 kids to raise on her own and he didn't pay child support. As I posted before, she never got over him. He was verbally abusive but she loved him. She loved like no one I have ever met. She was treated unfairly in her job and took a job 2 hours from her home in order to provide for Rhonda. She has suffered terribly the last two years from the loss of a grandson and the hurt and pain her son was going through. She helped raise one grandson for about three years. She babysat two grandchildren full time. She took care of her sister through many surgerys. She lived with knee pain for over 5 years before having her knees replaced. She lost her mother, father, sister, the father of her children, and her grandson. Throughout her life, her faith has remained strong and her love for her family has been never-ending.

No Photos Please

I don't really feel this way. I keep forgetting to bring my camera to Ohio with me. Yesterday would have been a good day to have Mr. Cannon with me. My mom was up early and after we got her a shower, she looked so beautiful. I should have captured that moment. She had friends from work over (they brought her lunch) and then fell asleep around noon. The rest of the day was spent sleeping on the couch. Rhonda came in around 9 and got her to eat a few bites of Strawberry Shortcake (yum, she brought me some too). Then it was off to bed. She was a little agitated, she couldn't sit down on the toilet. I was trying to help when she said, "YOU --- HAVE ---B--O --- WHEN YOU ARE SITTING DOWN" being a little self conscience I smelled my arm pits and even my sister smelled my armpits and I DID NOT STINK! We did have a good laugh (me and Rhonda) after that. She woke up this morning feeling very tired. She went to the bathroom and I changed her sheets and she went right back to bed.

One great moment, when she woke up at 5:30, I went and asked what she wanted and she asked me if I wanted to lay with her. I spent about a half hour beside her. The little girl came out in me again, wanting her to take care of me instead of the horible reversal. Thirty minutes and I got up and gave Rhonda a few of those precious moments.

I have a feeling today won't be as good as yesterday.

The Harwards are coming, The HARWARDS are coming!

Yes, I mean the Harwards, not the Brittish. I am excited to see them this weekend. Grandkids are one of the best blessings in my life. I loved and love being a mom but those little ones really give me joy that I can't explain. Over the past several years, when times are really hard, I think of those little ones that call me Nana and it makes the hard times worth it. I feel so blessed to be Nana.

On a much more serious note, my mom continues to decline at a very rapid rate. We are most certain she won't last the two to three months the doctor predicted 9 days ago. She is sleeping 22 hours or more a day, is still in no pain, hasn't eaten more than 10 bites for the past 3 days, and most of the time she speaks jibberish.

My mom and I went to the New England states in October so for Christmas I gave her a little photo album with pictures from our trip and in the back gave her a coupon to go to Branson this summer. The two places she wanted to go before she died. We won't make it to Branson and I am sad I didn't take her last summer. I have great memories of my mom and feel so lucky to have a mom who was willing so sacrifice so much for her family.

Short story for my kids. Granny married my dad when she was just 17. Through all of the hard times and his alcoholism she never stopped loving my dad. I have very few good memories of my dad but if my mom could talk now, she would say she still loved him. In a short time she will be able to be with my dad, her 'true love'. She will also see her parents, sister, her grandson and many others who loved her and whom she loved. I have to be happy for her yet I will miss her. I am selfish.

This week with Granny

Okay, no news, no change.

We have Hospice coming in once a week (or as needed). Mom is not in pain. She sleeps most of the day. She is awake about 3 hours a day and about 1 hour of that time is in a semi-confused state. The other two hours she is just confused.

The last two days she has eaten very little. When I say that, it is 2PM and she ate about 1 cup of fresh fruit today. Yesterday, 1/2 cup pasta with alfredo sauce, cantalope, and about 4 bites of Cheerios.

She keeps asking if she is getting stronger and why won't the doctors do surgery. She is wanting surgery so bad. It is heartbreaking. I can't tell her that she is too bad for surgery so I just tell her she needs to get stronger. She doesn't know that the doctors have given up on her.

I am in an angry phase. We live in the United States of America for goodness sakes. Do people really lay in their homes and wait to die without medical people doing all they can to save them? It seems crazy to me. I feel like we should be working like all get out to find someone to help us but every door closes. I can't imagine two or three months like this last month.

I am going home tomorrow for a week of feeling guilty that I am not here and when I am here I feel guilty I am not home.

O-H-I-O

Ohio again. Been here since Monday night. We took mom to the doctor on Tuesday. They sent her to the hospital for another MRI of the brain. She is very confused most of the time. The MRI showed no cancer in the brain. We were basically told of our options but since we can't find a doctor to do the surgery, we have called Hospice. Hard choices, tough.

Tonight, we put mom to bed and I was getting ready to eat when we heard her fall out of bed. We found her laying face down on the floor. She cried and said, "Why do I keep messing things up?" I had to cry. She was just trying to go to the bathroom.

No one can prepare you for this. It is heart breaking to watch your mom go through this. She cried today and said, "Kathy, you shouldn't have to clean up your mom like this." I reassured her that she would do it for me. An hour later she started talking about a 'shoat' or something like that in her bed. I guess a shoat is a baby pig. She laughed a few times today. She hasn't done that for a couple of weeks.

She is also frustrated with the doctors. She knows she was supposed to already have the surgery. She just wants that cancer out. I wonder if everyone hits one brick wall after another when faced with something like this?

Up-Date

I figured out how to change the settings on my blog to reflect the correct time and date. Yeah for me!

Today was my most stressful day so far. It was really bad. I was a little worried when mom went to sleep at 11 and was only awake a couple of times until 6, then back to bed at 7:30 for the night. The hour and a half she was awake, she was very confused. She tries to talk but it doesn't make any sense. The Reds had just came on and she asked Rhonda if her girls ever went to Cueto's (Johnny Cueto was pitching for the Red tonight). Rhonda asked her to repeat it and she did. Rhonda said she didn't understand and mom told her it was that guys house up behind her house. Just one example. Once when she was talking she looked at me and said, "I'm talking crazy. I am just so tired." I guess I thought when people got this way they didn't know any different but she knows that she isn't making sense.

I leave tomorrow. I am worried about the weekend. I don't think they will do surgery if she is this bad. We really don't know what to do.

12:00 NOON

A good morning. Another Home Health Nurse came by. She hasn't lost any weight since yesterday (good). She just dozed off at 10:30 when some neighbors came by. I had the door open and they could see her sleeping in the chair but they knocked anyway and she tried to talk but was a little distant. Then her sister came by, she slept off and on while she was here. She is officially napping now. I closed the door and took the phone away. Hopefully she can sleep a couple of hours.

Guilt: she wants me to stay here. She feels like she can sleep and rest and eat better when I am here. I feel I should go home to see Hannah and Larry for the weekend. I plan on coming back on Monday evening and then be here to take her to Columbus on Thursday for the surgery prep.

Granny Up-Date

The Home Health visit wiped her out. She slept from 12:15-5:30. She ate some of my homemade chicken salad (yeah for protein), drank an Ensure Plus, took a shower, sat outside awhile and went to bed around 9.

Another nurse comes tomorrow at 9AM. I need sleep.

At the wonderful suggestion of Gwen, I think we should plan to have a family (and non-family) fast for Granny on Sunday. Lots of prayers her way for a good 12 days and then a successful surgery.

4:11

Good News! Good News! Good News!
The surgeon called and said he would come back early from the big Urology Conference next week and do my moms surgery on Friday, June 4. Now, we just have to keep her up and going, and a little stronger, until then. I am thankful for little blessings.

She is pooped today. Slept while I ran errands and I read every bread label and food label in Walmart to see what she would eat with lots of protein. Tonight, chicken salad 23 g. protein on wheat bread 4 g. protein.

Good News!

12:30

On the way to the bank. It has been driving mom nuts that she has two checks here to go to the bank. Also running to get something for dinner.

Good morning. Home Health came by. Did an assessment. They are going to check her oxygen level to see if she needs some oxygen part/full time.

She weighs 151, so sad. Most of it is muscle loss.

Her mind is functioning well today but she is super tired after the long Home Health visit.

I got her to drink an Ensure Plus and one big glass with stuff to help build muscle mass.

Off to the store.

Today While the Blossoms Still Cling to the Vine

John Denver song.

Granny did a little better today. Stayed awake more, ate some, drank the juice to help build muscle mass.

Still waiting for the surgeon to call. Home Health will come tomorrow to do an assessment.

I am doing great. It is super great to help your mom in such a way. I am so blessed to have a husband who is understanding and a daughter, Hannah who is so mature she can be left on her own, kids who call to check on us. I am blessed.

Whirlwinds

I feel like I am in a whirlwind, tornado, hurricane, earthquake, whatever. I am in Ohio again taking care of my mom. She has kidney cancer. Was supposed to have the kidney removed last week but was too weak and confused for the surgery. We were sent home to "get her strong" whatever that is supposed to mean. She has been losing weight consistantly since January, of course she is going to be weak and remain weak until that cancer is out. Here is our run-around:
The kidney has to come out
The lung cancer is spreading
She is too weak for surgery
Doctor WON'T opperate
Get her stronger
She is weak, no appetite
Go back to doctor
Kidney has to come out
Lung cancer is spreading
She is too weak for surgery
Doctor WON'T opperate
*you get the point?

It is hard to force your mom to eat. It is easier to let her peacefully rest. I want her to fight to live, to do what is hard (eat, go outside, sit in the chair instead of laying in bed) but I feel such compassion for her and what this disease is doing to her.

I love being able to pay back (somewhat) for all my mom has done for me. She is amazing and I am praying we can make it through this next few weeks, have the surgery and we will have her with us a few more years. Prayer is the key.

What a week

One week. A lot can happen in just one week. Last week I spent three days in the hospital to see if I could go off seizure medicine. I am down to one pill a day now and in a month, should be totally off. Good news.

On Thursday morning, my mom called and told me she had cancer. Isn't there a song that says, Should I stay or should I go?" That is how I felt, should I stay home or go to my mom. Sunday I made the trip to Ohio. Mom has kidney cancer and it has spread to her lungs. Tuesday we visited the cancer doctor. It is Stage 4, her kidney needs to be removed and then she will go on Chemo pills for the lung cancer. We are hopeful. She is so tired and weak. She has lost over 60 pounds since December. She slept 28 of my first 36 hours here.

She is resting now. She is a bit relieved to know what she is fighting. We are hopeful that she will have a few years left. I plan to write a blog about my mom. I want my kids and grandkids to know this amazing woman. I will start my blog tomorrow.

Our Neighborhood in the WILD

What is that you ask??? Well, we are not totally sure but we think we found a foxes den. The neighborhood is abuzz, someone counted 7 of these furry critters. I hope I can figure out how to post a video, I have one of them barking. They have dug a hole under the drainage ditch and can walk about as fas as I can throw under the drainage ditch and have another hole they can come out of. I tried to look inside the 'den' but the smell was so terrible that I couldn't get close enough. It was bad and there were several small animal bones laying in the grass around the den.

I'd like to consult the animal expert. Maya, does this look like a baby fox to you?

One of the Bridesmaids Bouquets

Made from brooches, paper flowers, old earrings, etc. here is one of the bouquets. I love it/